There is one piece of Christian parenting advice that will save you a lot of heartache in the years to come: Be sure to set boundaries!
Every parent must decide what rules are appropriate for their families. In our family, there are some things we absolutely insist on. Naturally we have rules involving safety issues. But among the rules most diligently taught, trained, and modeled are those having to do with parental honor and respect — which include obedience, respectful speech, and basic politeness. For us to neglect this area of parental honor and respect would be a great detriment to both us and to our children.
The apostle Paul in Colossians 3:20 instructs, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Remind your children that their obedience to you brings a smile to the face of God. It pleases Him.
In Ephesians 6:1 Paul then says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” The verse doesn’t say, “Children obey your parents if you think they’re right.” It says, “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
The child is not responsible for weighing and evaluating his parents’ decisions — and then obeying those which he deems right and rejecting those he does not agree with. The child’s responsibility is simply to obey.
Notice also the little phrase “in the Lord” (“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”). Children are to obey, not because this is what their parents want, so much as because this is what the Lord Jesus wants. Obedience to parents is the child’s responsibility to Christ.[1] And they are instructed to do this in a way that brings honor to their parents (see Ephesians 6:2). It is not to be a begrudging kind of obedience. It is to be an honoring kind of obedience.
We’ve all read about the little boy whose mother wanted him to sit down but he wouldn’t do it. Finally she took hold of him and sat him down in the chair. He looked up at her with defiance in his eyes and said, “You may make me sit down outside, but I’m still standing up inside!”[2]
This is not an honoring kind of obedience. It is a begrudging kind of obedience. Teach children to see the difference. Only the honoring kind of obedience is acceptable to God. Honoring obedience comes as the child learns to obey out of a love of doing right and pleasing God. This incredible transition progressively emerges as you continue to remind your children of the reasons behind the rules you uphold and, of course, as they grow in their knowledge and love of the Lord.
Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. Just keep in mind that as you consistently train your children, God-honoring respect will slowly but surely become a part of their very fabric.
As you continue to train your children, be sure to bathe all of this in prayer. God can bless your efforts and bring about true transformation in your children!
[1] Ray Stedman, “Parents and Children,” Guidelines for the Home series, Peninsula Bible Church. Downloaded from Internet.
[2] Stedman, “Parents and Children.”
— Dr. Ron Rhodes
|